FAll 2010

A summer full of events into to a school year of learning. Different classes, different people, different surroundings, different obstacles, different me. While I am glad to be back, I oddly feel no excitement. I feel drained of passion, drained of desire. People all around are talking about how excited they are to see God do things this semester and while I too am excited, I can't seem to physically show it. I feel like I've hit a new low this past week. After surgery, I have been stuck in my house or in my dorm room feeling left out and alone. Discouragement has overwhelmed me. I feel as though things have been taken away from me. I am not able to work with my kids at Trinity until October, I can't get up and drive somewhere to hang out with someone, I feel as though I'm a bother when I do get to hang out with someone...it's difficult. I must say, I am learning patience in a new way. (apparently my old way of learning it wasn't working. ha.) With this brace, everything I do takes 10 times as much effort as before and even restricts some things. Maybe this is what I need to learn the patience I'm called to have in other areas.
While struggling with that, I'm also going through a period of change. Since I've been in college I've had the same few people living with me or on my hall, same dorm pastor, same friends...this year that changes. My dorm pastor is gone and we have a new one, my next door neighbor graduated, and my roommate went to culinary school. My roommate was my other half. We were inseparable. She was always there. I never had to worry about who to eat with, who to sit with in chapel, who to hang out with, who to talk to because she was always there! It's been really rough without her. I became so distant from most of the other people here because I was always with her. If we hung out with others, we didn't separate, they just hung out with the both of us. I dislike change in this sense. But as I hear all the time, things happen for a reason, take them as a learning experience. It's so easy to hear and even easier to say to someone else and be genuine about it and believe it but when it comes to believing it for yourself...phew that's a completely different story. Why is it so much harder to believe it for yourself?
There's been one other time I've gone into something I wasn't looking forward to and was actually very upset that I decided to do it. Rec Crew in 09. I enjoyed my first year but i thought it was enough. I ended up deciding to go back because I felt I wasn't done and wanted new experiences with the students of North Texas. Right before I left for camp that summer I was filled with anger because I had no desire to do it. Even the first couple days into it. Looking back, that was the best summer I've had yet. The relationships that I built that summer have changed everything. I gained a passion that summer. God stirred something in me...a deeper desire for him and the things of his kingdom. I'm hoping that as I lay here in my dorm room night after night wishing I was home or somewhere else experiencing something new that I will be caught by surprise like I was that summer. I hope that I'm radically changed and renewed this semester. I'm hoping for new passions, new dreams, and new opportunities. Not only for myself but for my friends who are out there making a difference whether they're here at SAGU with me or other colleges.
I want to hear stories of lives being changed, of broken hearts being restored, families being brought together, friends reaching out, the lost being found, dreams being reached, the power of God, revivals breaking out, miracles. I'm surrounded by people that can and WILL do these things and I'm believe God for stories of all of these that I'll be able to post on here and hopefully encourage others through it.

For all you bloggers out there, I'm praying that this year will be a year of growth for you. Be open to hearing the voice of the Lord, and acting upon his call. I'm praying for clarity and courage. Step Up and Stay Strong!